poor show, Dell

This story is as yet incomplete...

(If you're reading this because you're having issues with a new Dell system, I can only urge you to return it for a full refund before the cooling off period expires. My own experience, and those I have read on the internet, suggest that keeping it and trusting Dell to Fix Everything is a bad, bad move.)

At the beginning of August, I ordered a new laptop from Dell. I was excited about my new purchase, as it was the first "expensive" computer I'd ever splashed out on. It had top of the line everything and was a nice bright colour to boot. It took a few weeks to arrive, and when it did...

I unpacked it, as one does, in a lather of anticipation. Shiny newness, check. Bright colour, check. Turn it on, seems ok, download a billion Windows updates, install anti-virus, firewall, other software, check.

Then I noticed that no sound was issuing from those shiny new speakers. I tried some headphones. They worked, but there was crackling. Time to phone Dell Technical Support. I was excited about this, because I'd paid extra specially to have a super At Home warranty.

The Technical Support agent took me through a bunch of troubleshooting steps (although he seemed insulted when I called them this - I didn't realise it was a slur rather than a factual description) before agreeing that the speakers or motherboard were shot and that an engineer would have to come to my home to replace them. I found this call difficult in some ways, as he didn't actually listen to a lot of what I said and would either ask questions I'd already answered or try to verify something I'd said but get it completely wrong. "The sound through the headphones is crackly" "So you are saying that there is no sound from the headphones?" But nonetheless I was looking forward to having an in-house engineer fix the problem.

The in-house engineer came, replaced the parts (which fixed the soundless speaker issue) and agreed that, yes, the sound was still crackly. He said he'd have to ring Dell Tuesday morning (due to the bank holiday weekend) and let them know that further work was needed.

On Saturday, I discovered that the DVD drive (which I hadn't tried up till then) was seriously ailing. If you put a DVD in it, ominous grinding, thrashing sounds erupted and it was a matter of some minutes before it would agree to give you the DVD back. I also noticed that the power button only worked 4 out of 5 times and, sometimes, when you pressed it, it remained stuck in for a few seconds before pinging out loudly.

I work in software quality assurance, and I'm afraid that 4 faults right out of the factory were 4 too many for me. Two of them (the crackly sound and the power button) could be easily missed in a factory QA environment, but broken speakers and a disc-munching DVD drive should have stood out a mile. I could only conclude that my system had not passed a QA inspection before being shipped to me.

I hopped onto Dell's website and looked up their At Home support number. I was in luck! Whereas their ordinary tech. support is only available Monday to Friday, the At Home support is available Monday to Saturday. Woot! I rang. And got the sad "number disconnected" tone. Boo.

At this point, I hit Google. My screen was overwhelmed with horror stories of people who'd spent months trying to get their Dells fixed, gone back and forth with unhelpful support staff, had random unauthorised charges to their credit cards, and so on. I learned that there is a whole department at Dell devoted to looking up blog posts with terms like "Dell Suck" in them. (there you go, Customer Advocates) I decided to return what was supposed to be the laptop of shiny goodness before any more time elapsed.

You see, it can be pesky to return something that's faulty. The company who supplied it has the right to repair or replace it before giving you a refund, and it can generally be a hassle. But, thanks to UK distance selling regulations, you can return any product for any reason at all if you cancel the order within 7 days after receiving it. I checked the Dell Terms and Conditions and it explicitly stated that this was ok (the distance selling regulations are not cut-and-dried in the arena of custom-built computers, but Dell's T&Cs were clear enough).

So, I rang up this morning. I tried to get through to someone who could help me. I somehow got through to Technical Support reception, who transferred me to Customer Service reception, who transferred me back to Technical Support reception, who put me through to Technical Support.

I spent a little while explaining what I wished to do to an Indian chap named, rather improbably, Paul (I learned later that Paul is a name that Dell has tacked onto his actual name, presumably to make customers in countries other than India feel at ease. Poor Paul.). He put me on hold several times while he "investigated". I wasn't sure what needed investigation, but I humoured him. He finally came back to me and said that a return/refund was not possible, and that I must speak to his supervisor. His supervisor spent a long time reiterating that I could have a replacement system or repair work or... wait. "What's that, Madam? You are aware of the contents of Section 7 of our T&C and I can't therefore fob you off? Of course a return/refund is possible. I will sort this out for you and someone will collect the system next Wednesday. Have a nice day."

Several hours passed. I received the standard "we hope you enjoyed your call to Dell" email from Paul. I did not receive confirmation of cancellation of my order. I phoned back to confirm that this cancellation had indeed entered the system. It had not. I was assured that it would "soon". I sat around and stewed for awhile, and decided that "soon" would not do. After the runaround I had been given regarding cancelling at all, I did not feel confident that all would go well, and I even, dare I say it, suspected that Dell's agents might try to delay matters until after the 7th day following receipt of the goods. (Shocking of me, I know, but remember I'd already read the horror stories...)

So, I headed to Dell's website and filled out an unresolved incident form, stating what had happened (including a formal complaint about the "support" agents who had denied I could have a refund until I made clear my acquaintance with the fact that I definitely could) and that I wished to cancel as I was within the period for doing so. I printed off a hard copy and posted it Special Delivery Next Day to Dell's headquarters in sunny Bracknell.

And now, I wait. Consumer Direct (cracking people, very helpful) assure me I've done everything I can for now, and my credit card company assures me that they will assist me in disputing the charge if it comes to that. The best I can hope for is an email confirmation of cancellation and a call from Dell's couriers to say they're coming to pick the wretched thing up next Wednesday. My shiny new laptop has quickly turned into a sour object of bitterness and bile. Hmph.

good show, Amazon

I recently purchased a new book from Amazon.co.uk. When it arrived, it was clearly secondhand - the title page was torn, the cover was scuffed, the pages didn't lie flat if you placed it on a flat surface, and the spine was cracked. After checking the order to be sure I hadn't inadvertently ordered a secondhand copy (I hadn't), I phoned up Amazon.

Good show, Amazon:

- Your phone number was easy to find on your website (a big improvement from days past)

- Your representative was helpful

- I had a new book as soon as humanly possible, and free postage for the returned copy

- The whole thing took less than 5 minutes to arrange

- You didn't hassle me when I couldn't immediately post the incorrect copy back